The day I woke up to a nightmare

I had a bit of a false start yesterday morning. I thought I’d pulled a blinder by getting up early, but realised this was not the case when I woke up on the settee several hours later to find I had dropped off again. I don’t know about you, but I find that whenever I wake up on the settee something really weird is always on the TV. Yesterday it was (the somewhat insensitively named if you ask me) Art Attack.

Art Attack is not about people who drop their Hs dying of myocardial infarction, it is a children's show about making stuff. I’d forgotten about those. They are the meanest programmes of all. Watching it yesterday, as an adult, it was very obvious that no kid was going to be able to produce anything approaching the same standard of the stuff that the presenter, Neil Buchanan, was churning out like it was the easiest thing ever.

But, as a child I remember not being so wise. I would certainly have been taken by the creepily softly spoken scouser’s claims that I could make dancing rock band puppets out of straws and string and paper and a coat hanger that would look as good as the one on yesterday's show, that his team of researchers had spent hours crafting.

I thought of all the kids that would have a go at making their own, surely to be disappointed when their’s finished up looking like some hideous pastiche of what they had seen on the TV. I felt their pain.

It’s just not fair is it?

And, what does Trickster Buchanan have to say for himself? According to the Art attack website:

"Did you know that my red sweater is specially made for the programme, from a special material? That's because on camera, the colour red behaves in a strange way. It makes the screen go all funny, unless you use a special material - which we do.

If you'd like a signed photograph of Neil to print, click here.”

I did not know that. But a signed photograph? To print? How is that going to work?

The duplicity is just staggering.