Recently I’ve been getting in touch with a few old friends through it, which is of course a heart-warming story of the way the lovely internet can bring people together. But it has totally worsened my already disproportional obsession with checking my emails, which is a soul-chilling tale of the way the evil internet can make people go maaaad.
OK, so I’m probably not actually clinically maaaad, but I do have a thing about checking my emails....
I just did it then. (When those dots were appearing, which is what happens when I go off and do something.)
I am now the recipient of a press release which is of no interest whatsoever to me. These, and spam, are what generally comprise the majority of my emails.
I read once that the most effective way to train dolphins to jump through hoops and perform other perfectly natural behaviours (which the dolphins enjoy, honest, even though you have to give them fish to make them do it) is to not give them a fish every time they jump through the hoop. No, because then the greedy dolph will expect to get fish each time and might even get full and that would be bad because then it probably wouldn’t do it again for a bit. No, what you have to do is give them a fish at random intervals, so dolph doesn’t know when it’s coming and will keep trying in the hope that dinner’s on the way.
Um, I’m afraid I’ve rambled on so much that I have totally forgotten the point I was trying to make there now. Something about interesting/friendly emails arriving now and then, or something.
Not sure what that had to do with dolphins though. I’ve never had an email from a dolphin. Not that I am aware of. If any dolphins out there want to email me please do. I’d send you a fish as a reward if I had one. But I don’t. So don’t keep emailing me expecting me to cough up a fish after a random amount of tries. Because I won’t, and anyway, that would not be at all good for my email checking obsession. I think if I start obsessively checking my emails for messages from dolphins I may actually become actually clinically maaaad.
And then who would check my emails?