Recently I’ve been getting in touch with a few old friends through it, which is of course a heart-warming story of the way the lovely internet can bring people together. But it has totally worsened my already disproportional obsession with checking my emails, which is a soul-chilling tale of the way the evil internet can make people go maaaad.
OK, so I’m probably not actually clinically maaaad, but I do have a thing about checking my emails....
I just did it then. (When those dots were appearing, which is what happens when I go off and do something.)
I am now the recipient of a press release which is of no interest whatsoever to me. These, and spam, are what generally comprise the majority of my emails.
And yet I cannot control the urges.
I read once that the most effective way to train dolphins to jump through hoops and perform other perfectly natural behaviours (which the dolphins enjoy, honest, even though you have to give them fish to make them do it) is to not give them a fish every time they jump through the hoop. No, because then the greedy dolph will expect to get fish each time and might even get full and that would be bad because then it probably wouldn’t do it again for a bit. No, what you have to do is give them a fish at random intervals, so dolph doesn’t know when it’s coming and will keep trying in the hope that dinner’s on the way.
Um, I’m afraid I’ve rambled on so much that I have totally forgotten the point I was trying to make there now. Something about interesting/friendly emails arriving now and then, or something.
Not sure what that had to do with dolphins though. I’ve never had an email from a dolphin. Not that I am aware of. If any dolphins out there want to email me please do. I’d send you a fish as a reward if I had one. But I don’t. So don’t keep emailing me expecting me to cough up a fish after a random amount of tries. Because I won’t, and anyway, that would not be at all good for my email checking obsession. I think if I start obsessively checking my emails for messages from dolphins I may actually become actually clinically maaaad.
And then who would check my emails?
12 comments:
You could train the dolphins to. Then they could write you letters while you are locked up.
You could even send them fish. (I'm sure someone in the mad house will have a fish stall)
Then you can get yourself in a viscious circle.
Facebook is like internet crack. Only probably not as healthy as that.
The thing about dolphins though is they always respond to your emails.
I've found a novel new way of avoiding emails - spam... I am so sick of being offered watches, great investment deals and things to enhance the size of the penis I don't have, that I've given up with checking my mail in order to avoid all the schlock. Of course, this has led to me becoming somewhat unsociable, but then there's always facebook...
You're not on your own looking out for emails. Sadly I do this too.
I also look out for the postman for 'real' letters.
Maybe I was a dog in a former life!
Having spent years avoiding old school chums and university classmates, not to mention colleagues and similar human detritus, I am going to go onto Facebook and "network" with the world, aren't I? I should coco.
OK, I am on Facebook but only because several people have summoned me there for reasons best known to themselves and I thought it only polite to respond.
As for email, oh yes, as obsessive as hell. But, then, it's what the Internet's for.
I like dolphins but have never really got on with them. It's the water. I prefer to stay away from the stuff (except for making tea). I like dry animals better. Cats are good as they rarely get wet.
I have never thought to try emailing a non-human. That would be cruel: they might get hooked and start pushing you off the computer.
Dolphins would need special nose-operated keyboards, anyway, and the water would ruin the electronics.
I'm sure you could email fish to a dolphin. Someone must have thought up a way of doing it. Maybe there's a company called Inter-Pisces or something similar. Look it up on Google.
You're losing it Buckley. You and me both. (Check your spelling and the dolpins). Doing less blog and more and more Facebook now................
and 'ping'. There goes my e-mail again. bye........................
We will all get bored with Facebook eventually. But like you I have a slight addiction. Even though I don't have an addictive personality at all.
Have a fish!
Where are you? I hope you are having fun where ever you are!!
The boy... Hmph, it'd be just my luck to end up in a madhouse with a fish stall - I can see all those glassy eyes starring at me now.
Petemaskreplica: I don't know what you mean, I can give it up anytime I want. Anytime, I tell you!
Sue: You mean you get actual real letters that are not from your bank or readers digest?! How lovely.
Silvertiger: Oops, I think I might've been one of your summoners there - sorry about that! Very nice of you to sign up just to please us lot.
Laura: Losing it? To be honest, I'm not sure I ever actually had it in the first place!
Lady Fotherington-Smethers: I hope so, hasn't worn off yet though...
Whispers: Now, that's not going to help me at all really is it?!
Tracy: Aw, thanks for the concern, I'm back now.
Oh don't get me started on facebook, I have a catalogue of posts whinging about the damn thing on my blog...love / hate all the way. I also get excited about emails, I suppose its taken over the same hopefulness when the postman came every morning (no one does letters now, SO last decade...)
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